There was a time in my marriage, many years ago, when I felt I was being pulled apart in three pieces. My husband was very demanding of my love and attention. My two children were young enough at that time that they also needed me and my undivided attention. It didn’t feel good. I actually felt pressure, like I was being sucked into a vortex and that there wouldn’t be anything left of me but a shell of a wife/mother.
Being the person I am, no one ever knows when things are not going well for me. I hide it very well and put on a smile that covers all the angst and bad feelings that may be deep inside. Not really wanting to talk to others about my problems and bothering them, I ended up keeping a lot of what was going on inside, pushing it deeper as I kept myself busier and busier so I didn’t have to deal with it.
It was at that time that I discovered journaling and once I began writing my feelings down, I realized that I felt better by the end of my writing “session.” I write as though it is a stream of consciousness. I write and write and it doesn’t matter what I am writing or how I am writing it.
I know when I am done writing: if I don’t feel better, there is more to write; if I am feeling better, there is no more to write. By the end of the “session” I feel lighter and more positive and ready to deal with whatever is in front of me. It’s like a purging of past thoughts, ideas, events, attitudes and negativity–all the things that hold me back from being in the present. There is nothing like being the in NOW, in the present, to live life.
When I am going through a rough time in my life, I journal. I haven’t been journaling lately. That is because I am in living in the NOW more than I ever have.
— Diana J., Los Angeles, Ca.